Explaining what you’re thinking and what you feel when you’re ‘down’ isn’t easy. How do you put emotions in to words?
I prefer try to explain emotions like they are something physical instead.
Just lately everything has got on top of me and I've felt pretty overwhelmed by it all. It’s easy for people to say, “Why let things build up?” or “Just think positive”.
But it’s really not that simple, is it…? Because if it was, surely I wouldn’t be in this position?
DON’T YOU THINK I'VE TRIED THAT ALREADY?!
So, picture this.
You’re plodding along, minding your own business, living your life, but something feels uneasy.
You feel like something is happening behind you.
You turn around and look and something seems different but you can’t quite figure out what so you carry on.
But it’s there again, and you turn and… is that wall coming closer?
Can’t be. Surely I’d know.
And again, but you look, and… nothing.
And it feels like you’re in a cartoon where every time you turn your back the wall sprouts little legs and starts scampering towards you but every time you take a look it’s still again, stifling a sneaky little giggle.
But then out of the corner of your eye… you’re DAMN SURE you saw that wall move. Then the other side…
And now you KNOW they’re closing in.
And you panic.
So you just stop.
And the walls are coming closer still.
And you’re just sat
In the middle
Waiting for them to reach you.
Waiting to suffocate.
It’s only before the point of complete suffocation that the fear really kicks in. It’s like being a cornered animal and the ONLY thing that matters now is escape. So you lash out at anything standing in the way – or at least perceived to be.